Debra Kunz

Self-sabotage is one of the deadliest reasons your love life is not the way you want it. Especially since its danger lies in the hidden ways it’s impacting your love life, and your life in general. And, self-sabotage is always doing it to yourself. No one else is doing it to you, so you are a victim of yourself when you sabotage your love life and continue to break your own heart.

A Real Life Dating Example

This story is about a flat tire except one of the two people involved made it into something else entirely because he unknowingly self-sabotaged the entire situation. And, the root cause is in all the buried beliefs he has about himself. You’ll notice this story is about a man who is self-sabotaging his love life though I challenge all of the women to get gut-wrenchingly honest about if you have done this to yourself.

The Scenario

They made plans to meet for the first time. As she was leaving her house to go to the date, she noticed her car had a flat tire. “Crud!,” she thought to herself. (Well, actually she used a different word but I edited that one out.) “I’m really looking forward to meeting this man.”

So, what do you do? You call your date and let him know the situation.  Here’s how the conversation went. In this case, it’s the beginning of how you could sabotage your love life.

“Hi, I was leaving to meet you and discovered that I have a flat tire. I’m so sorry! I’m really looking forward to it though by the time I call road side service, it’ll be really late. Could we meet another time?”

She didn’t even get that entire message out before he cut her off with:  “If you don’t want to meet me, you could just say so.” His tone of voice was brimming with hurt ego and assumptions that she’s making this up, and seriously sabotaging his love life in the process.

She reinforced that she does want to meet him, but given it was already 8pm, tonight was not going to work. Since they had never met, she wisely did not want him to come to her home to help her although he did not actually offer. (Yes, a gentlemen would have offered, though for personal security reasons guys, please understand that in this situation with a man we have never met, we women would politely decline that offer.)

Your Buried Beliefs Sabotage Your Love Life

All he chose to hear, and believe, was, “She doesn’t want me, and it’s so bad that she made up this ridiculous story about a flat tire.”

The more she encouraged him to make a new plan, the more she heard, “I’m not good enough” and “why do I bother” in his voice. The constant buried beliefs he was replaying in his head, and his heart, centered on his internal settings that he’ll never be enough and no woman would want him.

He Blew It

This is…

See the rest of the story in my article on Singles Warehouse.

Date Deliberately,

Debra