Debra Kunz

Age differences in dating are a frequently debated topic. Is it just a number? Does it indicate the potential success or failure of your relationship? Does it matter at all? Who decides the answer and is it relevant if you are older or if he is?

Let’s start with the last question. That’s the easiest to resolve since you decide if an age difference in dating matters or not, and you decide if you will date someone older or younger than you. Yes, there will always be someone in your life who will judge this decision, offer advice, or maybe even have a valuable perspective. But, at the end of the day, it’s still your choice to make.

How Much is Too Much?

Is five years too much? Ten? Twenty? Generally speaking, five years isn’t an issue for adults, especially the further you are in your life. Six to ten years is debatable. I’d say more issues could arise with ten years or more between you.

Does Relationship Success Change Because of an Age Difference in Dating?

If there is genuine love, devotion, friendship and passion between two people, regardless of their ages, I’d say go for it. Will there likely be complications because you are in different points in your life? Probably, and if you don’t think so, then you aren’t looking at the situation clearly.

You can absolutely have a successful and loving relationship, just realize the reality of a 10+ year age difference means you are living in different decades of your life, all the time. Doesn’t make it bad. Doesn’t make it wrong. Doesn’t mean you are doomed to fail. It does mean you may have some additional things to pay attention to for each other to be happy and emotionally fulfilled in your relationship.

Real Life Examples

Age could be just a number though there may be some real life issues to address. I’ve heard from women who are widowed and cared for husbands who were fighting an illness before they died. These women are adamantly opposed to dating or marrying men who are a lot older than they are since in their mind it only increases the odds they would have to do it again. Yes, I could make the argument that anything can happen to anyone at any time in life, though they do have a point about the odds.

Here’s another example: I know a gentlemen who is 15 years older than his wife. His genuine love was abundantly clear each time he spoke of her and their family given the obvious twinkle in his eye. I could also see the pain he felt as he developed arthritis in his hips, and the sorrow in his face since he couldn’t take her dancing like he used to. She was still a “young woman” in his words, but his health changed what they could do together.

Does it mean the relationship would end? Does it mean she was unhappy? Only the two of them can truly answer those questions. It was very clear to me their love was real and deep, and they were working with each other to address the changes and continue to be happy together.

It’s Your Decision

Believe in your own choices and make them for reasons you can embrace. After all, it’s your life to live.

Date Deliberately,

Debra