Debra Kunz

For some of you, this is the first, or one of the first, holiday seasons as a single person. It’s a drastic change for your life in so many ways, though seems to be magnified during the holidays, especially for things like planning and/or going to events by yourself, even those with your family.

The Nosy

Your relationship’s demise, and the reasons for it, is no one’s business. There are plenty of people in your life like some friends, family, acquaintances, and business colleagues who want to know what happened. Don’t succumb to those who are just being nosy.

There’s nothing wrong with a vague answer like “it just didn’t work out” and then change the subject. Those who are nosy will try another angle to get more details so it’s up to you to stick to your guns and draw a boundary around how much and what you are comfortable sharing. Believe me, you will get very tired of repeating yourself to people who really don’t need to know.

The Best Gift for Yourself

This is the best possible gift to give yourself – showing up for you. I’m not talking literally, as in “show up” at a party. I mean emotionally, supportively, and deliberately, showing up for yourself as if you are your own best friend. You may not be in a relationship any longer, but you are still a fantastic woman who deserves to enjoy your holidays with all the vigor, joy and smiles you have before.

If It Wasn’t Your Idea to Become Single

If the breakup or divorce is still really fresh, you might be scowling as you read this and thinking “ya, right.” That’s okay too, just don’t let it rule your attitude and thoughts. There’s no joy in wallowing. There is joy in healing and moving on.

If It Was Your Idea

For those of you who initiated the breakup or divorce, don’t be surprised if you have some complicated emotional moments. If you really wanted out, and it’s finally over, I hate to tell you but that elation will pass and the reality of being single again will finally sink in. Let it, though just as I said for the women who are single and it wasn’t their idea, don’t wallow. You have a life to live so allow your own healing to happen so you can emotionally move on.

Your Friends

Your friends may not be sure what to do for you or with you during this season. Some may ask you though it seems many people just wait to see if you will ask for anything. “I don’t want to intrude” is what I hear a lot. So, if you want to be around friends during this season, it may be on you to take the initiative and let that be known. It might feel a little awkward at first, though take a deep breath and make the call. If they are really your friends, they will welcome you with open arms.

Celebrate!

Celebrate the fact that you get to decide how you shape your life from here, and be grateful for all that you have and all that you are…right now.

Happy Holidays!

Date Deliberately,

Debra