Debra Kunz

Let’s say you stuck to your Deal Breakers and gave him a chance. Well, that’s assuming you know what your Dating Deal Breakers are. And… well… you stuck to them except for the one Deal Breaker you decided to make an exception about… and didn’t tell your friends about… because you knew they would call you out… and you really like him… and everyone deserves a chance… and what if he’ll change for me?….

Wow. Big time justifying, ignoring your standards, not standing in your own power, nor believing in your own value.

If you’re about to settle for someone who doesn’t give you what you need, have the character you respect, or lives a lifestyle you want to be part of – what the hell are you doing? You might even say you love him and ignore the fact that the life you would have together is not what you say you want. How does staying with him honor you, what you want and what you deserve? This relationship decision is about staying true to yourself, listening to your real friends when they are trying to help you see things more clearly, and making the tough decision to walk away from a man who isn’t good for you – even if you have feelings for him.

When you reach the point of screaming to yourself “WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!?” – Congratulations!!!

It means you have recognized your own standards and have decided to actually use them. Inevitably this moment is followed by constantly questioning yourself and your decision. Questioning yourself so you can learn from your choices is productive. Questioning yourself and reliving every moment and every conversation and continuing to beat yourself up over the choices you made, is not.

You’ll know you are learning and growing in the dating process when you are able to recognize the issues creating this “what was I thinking” feeling sooner rather than later. You know – take action when you know something doesn’t add up instead of waiting until the end when you feel duped or foolish because you saw the signs and let them slide. Most likely, you buried your head in the sand, ignored the obvious, and just hoped everything would change.

You’ll know better this time. The question becomes will you make a different choice?

Date Deliberately,

Debra