Debra Kunz

I’m guessing “But… He’s Different!” may have escaped your lips at some point. Maybe even with a tilt of your head and hope in your eyes.

If you were reading last week’s post, you learned about the programming few women escape that I’ve named Cinderella Head. Well, our Cinderella Head creates the “But… He’s Different!” condition. I’ve heard it from friends, watch it happen repeatedly among women I’ve met, and have done it to myself. We meet a man who is total trouble and do everything we can to convince ourselves he is worth being around. Worth spending our time on. Worth putting up with his ridiculous behavior because he’s “a man” and that’s “just how they are.”

The worse he treats us the more we convince ourselves he must be “the one.” So it doesn’t matter that he never has time for you, only calls at the last minute and expects you to be at his beck and call, never asks about you or is concerned about your well-being, or only talks about what he needs. We’re secretly thinking, or more likely acting as if “I’ll be the one he wants to change his wayward ways for, and commit to, and he’ll stop being a jerk ‘cause he’s different than the other men who are jerks… I’ll be the one he’ll suddenly want to come home to and become the good man for (just like in the movies).”

So you continue to date him and allow his shenanigans in your life. In reality, the only changing this man will do is if it benefits him or makes it easier to get what he wants out of you. And, likely, in your Cinderella Head dream land – the only changing you do is to adapt to his demands and become someone you’re not. The irony is you’re now convinced you and he are headed for a fairy tale ending – except he’s headed out the door. I’m guessing that’s not the way it worked in your dream land.

It’s time to pay attention to your decisions and dig deep into the reasons you make them. Mr. He’s Different isn’t suddenly going change his ways and become a man you deserve. You aren’t wearing glass slippers for him to find. You are an intelligent, successful, smart woman and you deserve a man who already knows how to treat women. Without tactics. Without wishing. And without Cinderella Head justification.

Date Deliberately,

Debra