Debra Kunz

Being a little nervous when you first start dating someone is simply being human. The problem is when you are so nervous, scared and worried about dating (or your life) that your sole focus is trying to impress him and be liked. You mold yourself to become what you think he wants, share tales of your life based on your assumptions of what’s important to him, and show him values based on what you speculate are his.

The name for this destructive pattern in dating, and in your life, is the Chameleon Syndrome. This term comes from one of my book reviews on Amazon.com, where a woman labeled the need to “always become something other people want” the “unhappy, unsatisfying, ultimately unworkable Chameleon Syndrome.” As she stated, she was saved from a major dating train wreck when she saw this pattern in herself and learned how to prevent it, as well as other dating traps, through my book.

If you have the Chameleon Syndrome tendency, you’ll start to notice you are presenting a version of you that’s what you think he wants to see, and not being your authentic self. It can actually be a double whammy given you may be molding yourself to become someone you think he wants, but he may not even know what that is for himself yet. Now, neither of you are being your real self.

What’s the remedy you ask? This is about owning your life – the good, the great, the bad and the ugly. It’s about accepting choices you made in your past along with whatever outcomes that were created as a result. And, most importantly, it’s about you being at peace with those decisions as part of who you are today. Added together, this helps you determine what you want and understand what you need in your life.

When you feel a deep sense of acceptance within your heart and soul about your own life and what you want, that sense of peace and confidence will show through. Confidence is a dating magnet for the good man you seek, and being your authentic self opens the door to create a real connection with him.

Date Deliberately,

Debra