Debra Kunz

Have you ever been on a date and learn he doesn’t meet a deal breaker, and you start thinking, “How can I leave? Right now?” I received this question this week so I thought I’d share the answer with everyone. In this particular scenario, she and her date went to a concert.

I’d say there are three options:

1.  With great compassion, tell him you don’t think you are a match for each other and then leave. This is honest, but cold since you didn’t even finish the date, or from his perspective “give him a chance.” Be careful you don’t jump to conclusions about whether or not he meets your deal breakers before you are certain there are no misunderstandings. It would be sad to miss out on dating him because of a problem with communication between you.

2.  This option is flat out lying, but you could make up an emergency as an excuse to leave. If he likes you, he’ll probably be concerned and leave with you. So, this lie means neither of you get to enjoy the concert. Not really fair to him. And, if he likes you, he’ll call again so you’ll be put in the position where you have to tell him you aren’t a match, or be a chicken and ignore his calls. None of this spells “adult” in my opinion. (If he’s creepy and you are leaving for your own safety, a lie to get away from him is fine. Whatever it takes. See my Ask for a Security Call post for another option.)

3.  Be sure you choose something you actually want to do so if this situation happens, you will at least enjoy the evening. Meaning, if this was a concert you wanted to see, then you could still see the concert, even though you are no longer interested in seeing the man.

What to do instead:

Before you get yourself into this situation, choose to do things that have a shorter timeline and more opportunities for conversation like meeting for coffee, lunch or even dinner. That gives you a chance to learn about him, and him about you, without committing your entire evening.

Date Deliberately,

Debra