Debra Kunz

This isn’t such a fun dating topic, but it is extremely important. Your personal security during the dating process absolutely deserves your focus. The general rules of safety and awareness we women follow every day don’t go away because you are out on a date. The added complication is being on a date potentially puts us in a targeted position. Don’t obsess about this stuff, though do take it very seriously. Your instincts pick up on creep vibes, and dating is a good time to start listening to them.

One of my personal security suggestions after you agree to a date, especially a first date, is to ask one of your friends to make a security call during the first 30-40 minutes. This accomplishes two things: 1) checks you are ok, and 2) gives you an excuse to leave if you aren’t. If you are uncomfortable with him (in a creepy way, not the I’m-so-nervous-I’m-shaking way), then make an excuse and leave.

A tell-tale creep warning is if he follows you to the bathroom and it’s not an “I also need to go” moment, it feels like a “you’re keeping watch on me” moment. Ick. Leave. And, don’t let him follow you to your car. Yes, your car will be there because you met at the restaurant or coffee shop you are going to, and didn’t let him pick you up at your home. You don’t know this man. Be smart about your own safety.

Another creep warning is if he’s pushy and asks a lot of questions about where you spend your time and when you’re there. Is he nervous, curious and trying to learn about you? Maybe. Is he a creepy stalker? Maybe. Again – listen to your instincts.

Could you use text messages instead of a phone call? Yes, though use code words. If he is a creepy stalker he could have taken your phone and easily respond or text your friend that everything is fine. Use a code with her so only she knows the words that mean “I’m ok” or “I’m not.” Also have a rule you both reply to text messages and that you answer phone calls while on your date so there’s no question that everything is ok or it’s not.

Some of you are wondering, “what if I like him and he’s not creepy?” If you are getting along, and are comfortable with him, take a moment during the conversation and tell him you are expecting a call or text message from one of your friends and you need to take it. You could say something like, “I’m having a great time… Just in case something unusual happened I asked one of my friends to call me. So sorry for the interruption.”

Be sure to apologize for the phone call that is about to happen, and take the call in front of him so he knows it’s not an excuse to escape. Don’t be shocked if the look on his face is a bit surprised. His pride and ego are on the line in this moment so smile and be sincere.

This isn’t a game I’m asking you to play. It’s for your safety. Don’t worry, men who are paying attention to what it must be like to date in this day and age will understand and appreciate you take care of yourself.

Date Deliberately,

Debra