Debra Kunz

If you have some dating experience, or even if you are still testing the waters, you might reach the point where you get tired of the slow pace of the process and want to speed things up. This is especially true if you’ve taken time to know yourself, figured out your deal breakers, and identified your must haves vs. nice to haves. After we know what we want, we can get impatient and want to know the answers to our deal breakers sooner rather than later so “we don’t waste our time, or his.” (I heard some of you groan. You’ve said that, huh?)

One Big Problem

Some of the answers we seek are none of our business. You read that right – none of our business. When you’re early in the dating process, the answer to his spiritual or religious beliefs are none of our business. Political opinions, same story. His financial situation, you guessed it, not our business. Some of you are thinking, “Duh!” and some of you are thinking, “Well, why not?”.

The Caution Flag

When it’s early in the dating process, you are still figuring out if you want to be around each other, like to do some of the same things, if you make each other laugh, and if you have enough in common to hold a comfortable conversation. Of course, we’re also feeling the chemistry (or not).

Here’s the caution flag:  When you are so impatient with dating that you push ahead and ask the questions about your deal breakers too soon, you might just mess up the opportunity to get to know this man. He might pull away from you since he feels like you’re “getting in his face” and he doesn’t even know you yet. You might interpret his side-stepping questions as if he has something to hide or is outright lying to you, when in fact he’s trying to politely set a boundary on a topic that’s not your business yet.

In the Beginning

The timing of when people feel comfortable sharing personal beliefs and situations, or crossing personal boundaries, is different by person. If information is offered, that’s different, but if you have a list of questions you want to know about this man so you can quickly move on to the next, it might feel more like an inquisition than a date. Do you want to feel like he’s shining a big bright light in your face and interrogating you? I doubt it and neither will he.

Savor the Moments

Dating is an evolution, not a revolution so it’s important to let it evolve. This means a big dose of patience is required. Let yourself enjoy the discovery and stop wishing things would hurry up. You don’t get to do the beginning ever again so savor every moment right now.

Date Deliberately,

Debra