Debra Kunz

Divorce or a bad breakup changes your perspective on love and relationships. How it changes depends entirely on you. It could be for the better because you’ve taken time to learn something, or it could be for the bitter because you haven’t learned anything from the experience, nor examined or accepted your role in the demise of the relationship.

When you’re stuck in bitter, you’re behaving in this conflicted state of girl versus woman and can’t figure out how to heal or what you really want. The girl in you still wants the perfect man to sweep you off your feet and she’s wondering why on earth the last one didn’t work out that way. The ‘girl’ stays stubbornly rooted in the emotional turmoil and ongoing drama of the situation, and might make you do some really stupid things like drive by his house or show up at his office. The more reasonable ‘woman’ side of you is wondering if you’ll ever find love, real love, from a good man who wants to share his life with you. But, mostly, the ‘woman’ in you is convinced love doesn’t really exist, or you aren’t worthy of receiving it from a good man, and you should give up and just become a nun.

Whoa! Stop all the “poor me” stuff. It does nothing to help you heal, and certainly keeps you drowning in a bitter state of mind. To get to a better state of mind, take the time you need to heal your emotional wounds. Don’t rush yourself, and be sure to ask for help from your real friends, a counselor or someone else you trust.

And then, take a deep breath, and rediscover yourself. Now is a time to focus on your work, family, career, health, spirit, and joy. It’s not a time to stay stuck in blame and denial and fixated on how bad he was to you and for you. That’s not going to get you anywhere in life, and least of all into another relationship with a good man you seek.

Regardless of why this relationship ended, be happy it’s done and you can move on to someone who will appreciate you and all the gifts you bring. As I’ve said before, there are millions of men in the world and you’re only looking for one. A ‘better’ version of yourself will be irresistible!

Date Deliberately,

Debra

P.S. Click and then vote for Debra’s nominations for Best Dating Book and Dating Blog 2013.