It never ceases to amaze me how those who want honesty from the people they date, and this goes for men and women, aren’t necessarily honest themselves. They want it from you because they know it makes their life easier, but do they actually offer it to the person they say they care about? Not necessarily.
Or how about the men who can clearly state that communication is the most important element of a relationship, yet still disappear when times get tough or there’s a little dash of conflict in the relationship? Intellectually, I suspect most everyone acknowledges that communication is important, but actually believing it with your heart enough to make it a priority is an entirely different story.
What Can You Do About It?
People show you who they are if you give them enough time and enough rope to do so. The one who wants honesty from you, yet isn’t honest with you, is not likely someone you want in your life.
The one who says he values communication, but doesn’t actually communicate well might be worth investing time in if he is aware of that discrepancy. Of course, if he is aware of it and doesn’t care, have the strength to move on. You deserve better.
The Exception
Here’s a caveat on the dating frustration about communication. It’s very possible that he isn’t self-aware enough to know he doesn’t communicate well. Meaning, he thinks he’s communicating fine because he’s unaware of his own style and its impact on your relationship.
I frequently see it in my coaching work with teams and business leaders – they want something from everyone else that they don’t realize they aren’t giving from themselves. So, they ask me to fix the interaction and collaboration within their teams, when in fact what we need to address is the team AND the leader. In a dating situation, it reinforces that dating and relationships are a two-way street. If he isn’t aware of the impact his communication style is having on you, it’s time for some kind honesty with him. Assuming he cares and wants to invest in a relationship with you, he’ll listen.
The key is a kindly honest delivery so you can have a discussion that deepens your connection, instead of creating a criticism that will put a wall between you. It’s also important to realize that it isn’t just his style that matters. How you react and filter his message is an important part of the equation. Like most things in life, success actually starts with you, and that includes dealing with these dating frustrations.
Date Deliberately,
Debra
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