Debra Kunz

Someone in your life might have told you that “you’ll find him when you stop looking.” The reason it might actually work is because you stop worrying about the past, and then learn about yourself, live in the present and get comfortable with who you are. You can’t live in the future so if you’re always focused on finding a man so you can have a future, you aren’t living in the present either. And you’re certainly not enjoying today. Be happy with yourself and your life as a single person. Because you are single until you’re not.

Expecting a relationship to make you happy instead of being happy in your life is a BIG DEAL. Being happy with yourself is the true secret to a meaningful relationship and making choices that are good for you. As a relationship evolves, you get him involved with your life and vice versa. It’s a natural progression for each of you to want to do things together and care about the other’s well-being. It starts with YOU being involved with your life, healing from your past pain, and choosing to be who you are and how you want to grow in this life. Remember it’s discovering who you are and what you want, not what other people think.

Sometimes we know exactly what we want. We just don’t want to admit it because it’s not the path we’re on now and we’re scared of making a change to create the possibility. Same goes for knowing what we deserve and believing in what we deserve. Knowing comes from your intelligence and believing comes from your heart. You can intellectually understand something yet still not believe it in your soul. Pushing the comfort zones of the “old you” is scary, though discovering new dimensions to yourself and what you want in a relationship, followed by believing you can have it, creates a whole new comfort zone.

Fundamentally, “you’ll find him when you stop looking” is about a change in your emotional state. If you’ve been dating, and it was before you worked on yourself, you may have looked for him from a place of emotional desperation, not wanting to be alone, and continuing to choose men who are trouble.

After working on yourself, your emotional state becomes “I’m open to the possibilities because I’m happy with myself and I’m ready to share myself and my life with someone.” That’s a much more attractive state of being and interests a good man you would actually want in your life. Of course, some effort is needed to be open to the possibilities, and choose to do things you enjoy so there are opportunities to meet people where he could be “found.”

Date Deliberately,

Debra