Debra Kunz

Thank you to the subscriber who sent me this question. She and I already talked about this in her free “need to talk” session though I suspect this scenario may help others in difficult dating dilemmas. As always, questions and stories are shared anonymously.

The Situation:

He’s fun, hot, built and makes her grin.

They’ve been dating a couple months and he already gave her a promise ring. Yes, that sounds wonderfully romantic, but keep reading.

He has issues with anger and alcohol from difficult life events. One of which is his ex-wife cheating on him and leaving him for another woman.

The Discovery:

After a date one evening, he became belligerent and screamed at her about various life things including racial comments and cussing a blue streak.

The Question:

What does she do? She cares for him and knows that he is not the man he appears to be on the outside. She wants to help him, but doesn’t know how or if she should.

Before you judge her…

I know some of you are saying – DUH – the answer is so obvious! I invite you to really put yourself in her emotional shoes. It’s very easy for me (and you) to provide an answer, support and solutions, though I understand why it’s difficult to walk away from someone you care about. Especially when you know they need help. Read on.

The Answer:

Absolutely have compassion for him and his situation, but the fact that he chooses to deal with life’s crap with alcohol, anger and verbal abuse to you spells RUN. It’s not your job to save him. That’s his job. He gave you a promise ring after only two months because he’s looking for a life line from a woman who won’t leave him – again.

I repeat, it’s not your job to save this man you’ve only known for a couple months. If you choose to be friends with him, you will get sucked back into the relationship because your heart cares about him, but all smart decisions made with your head will go out the window. Wish him well, but do not try to be his rescuer. He needs a counselor and I truly hope he invests in himself to find one and heal his wounds.

Finding love means choosing who gets a chance using your head with your heart.

Date Deliberately,

Debra